Friendships outshine romantic relationships

Improving health does not always mean changing diet or exercising, but rather maintaining a strong friendship.

A new book shows that friendships can be more important to people’s health than romantic relationships.

Marisa G. Franco, professor at the University of Maryland and author of “Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends,” argues that people are constantly fed the message that romantic relationships are the only ones that matter, but people, in fact, need an entire community of friends to feel complete.

That comes from connections with friends, she wrote.

“Connection affects who we are, and who we are affects how we connect,” wrote Franco in the book, who was asked for an interview for this article but respectfully declined as she is not giving interviews at this time.

“When we have felt connected, we’ve grown. We’ve become more open, more empathetic, bolder,” Franco also wrote in the book.

Aden Bentov, sophomore finance major, said he can relate to the importance of friendships in his life.

“Your friends are the last people you would want to lose in your life,” said Bentov. “They are always there for you.”

Previous studies confirm that friendships can bring more health benefits than love relationships.

One of them, published by Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences USA in 2016, found that friendships increase longevity across a person’s lifespan, along with health benefits, such as reduced depression, lower blood pressure and a healthy body mass index.

“I can see that making sense,” said Irem Arslan, sophomore computer science major. “If you are going through a tough time in a relationship and you are sad, it increases your stress levels, and you risk overthinking and not communicating your thoughts.”

Emily Salivar, licensed clinical psychologist and professor at NSU, said that friends can act like our missing puzzle pieces.

“We must be able to live out all the pieces of our identities, our hobbies, our interests. This is something we can do with our friends, like to go to the same music festivals, when our partner would rather stay home,” said Salivar.

Bentov added that when in a relationship, people can risk weakening their friendships

because all their attention and energy is put solely toward their partner.

“If you feel your partner needs you, you are there. You put yourself in that relationship, so you must stick by it,” said Bentov. “There are times where you will need to focus on your significant other and times when your friends will need you more. It’s about identifying those scenarios and applying them correctly.”

Expectation is an important element that differentiates the two types of relationships.

“If our friends are five minutes late, we give them a little bit more slack than we do our spouses,” said Salivar. “Our expectation level is different, which drives our distressed response and frustration. It is a different response between friendships and relationships.

We will let our friends get away with more ‘bad behavior’ than our romantic partners.”

Arslan added that it is also important to know when to prioritize friends versus partners.

“Friendships were there before your significant other and will always be there afterwards,” said Arslan. “So keep that in mind.”